Can’t Buy Me Self-Love

Self-Love and Body Confidence are two topics that I think are extremely important and I think that they deserve to be talked about. I am so passionate about people having confidence in themselves and how they look. I think that it is important for us to see who we are, accept it and learn to love it because life is just too short to be looking in the mirror and not liking what you see. What brought on this post was a gif set of Laverne Cox (Sheena) on The Mindy Project that I saw on tumblr. It hit me pretty hard. It went something like this:
Sheena: “Now tell me what you see?”
Mindy: “Twoย hot black girls andย a fat load in a track suit.”
Sheena: “That’s cold. Now, if the person in the mirror was your best friend, would you be as mean to her as you’re being to yourself?”
Mindy: “No.”
Sheena: “Well, I’ve got news for you. You are talking to your best friend. You.”
Mindy: “Damn.”

I’ve watched the episode and its no where near as serious on the show as it looked in the gif set but the message was still there. If you were to criticize your best friend like you criticize yourself, you’d be a pretty terrible friend and you don’t deserve to have those kind of comments in your head all the time.

I think that people who say, ‘no one is perfect’ are justifying negative thoughts that you’re having. I don’t even think that you deserve to think negatively about your body at all. I don’t think that you should ever look at your body and go, ‘hey, I have large thighs and cellulite, but I have awesome eyes.‘ I think you should say, ‘hey, I have large thighs, cellulite and awesome eyes, and that’s part of what makes me who I am‘. Every part of you makes you who you are and that’s perfect! You are perfect just the way you are. I think it is really important to stop turning parts of your body into negatives and accept yourself for the way you are. Don’t talk about what you don’t have. That’s a trap that a lot of people fall into. Talk about what you do have, and be glad to have it! You won’t be truly happy if you can’t accept yourself in the state that you’re in. You’ll also find that you look at others and see people for what they are and not for what you want to be.

A lot of people tend to associate being fat with being unhealthy and that’s not entirely true. This comes up a lot on social media and was definitely one of the top comments that I saw when Tess Holliday went viral for landing a huge modelling contract. Similar things have been said to youtubers that I am subscribed to and yet they eat very well and they exercise. In comparison, I hardly exercise. I walk a lot because I don’t drive and I like walking around. I also don’t eat particularly well but I’m really working on that. I’m not overweight and I think most people would agree with me on that. And even if I was, that would be okay. But to think that being fat equals being unhealthy is such a harmful stereotype. And honestly, howย does what someone else does with their body harm you?

I carry all of my weight in my butt and my thighs and for the longest time I was so self conscious about it. I was first notified that my thighs were ‘bigger than average’ in year 6 when my best friend asked me why my thighs were so big. How am I supposed to answer that? Ever since then I’ve been extremely self conscious about the lower portion of my body. I used to always say that it looked like someone spliced my body together from two different people. It was only recently that I’ve been able to accept the way that I look and find clothes that make me feel good about the way that I look. I don’t go showing off my body – if that’s your thing, go for it – but I feel good about it.

One thing that I’ve heard people say when they’re being bullied by others and someone bullies them about their weight is, those bullies can’t think of anything else to say about you that they are bullying you about something that you can’t change. If someone is bullying you about your weight or how you look, you must be a pretty good person if that’s all they have to say about you! Attacking someone’s weight or anything about their outward appearance is one of the lowest of blows, in my opinion.

I have some fantastic role models in my life in the way of body confidence. One of my beautiful best friends never says anything negative about her body. In fact, she tells me that she loves her eyebrows – and I must say they are fantastic. She also loves the clothes she wears and how they make her feel about herself and I know that that always inspires me to think positively about myself. I won’t say that its wrong for you to not feel confident about yourself but I will say that you deserve to feel good about yourself and love yourself and I believe that you deserve to get there in your life because life it too short for you to hate the way you look to the point where it will stop you doing certain things or not wearing what you want to wear. I think that is such an injustice.

I want to mention that this isn’t discounting being healthy. I think that part of self love is looking after your body and treating it – as cheesy as it sounds – like a temple. You’ve got one body to take you through this life, don’t you think its worth your time to look after it? Enjoy yourself, I’m not saying go on crazy diets or eat like crap. Whatever. But be mindful and make sure that you are doing the most that you can for your body because its so important and it will make you feel good. Also when it comes to weight loss, don’t lose weight because you think that it will make you feel good about yourself. Don’t go around saying, ‘oh if I lost 5kgs then I’d be happy’. You should be happy with how you look now and if you want to lose some weight to feel healthy or whatever, go for it, healthily lose weight. But don’t do it for someone else and don’t do it because you think that that will be your source of happiness. Your happiness will come from your lack of self loathing, not how much weight you lose. If you remember the scene in Mean Girls where they’re all looking into a mirror at Regina’s house and their all pointing out their flaws, you’ll also remember that they looked pretty damn perfect. None of them were happy with themselves. My point is, if you’re not happy with yourself, you’ll always find something about yourself to pick on and no amount of weight loss or plastic surgery, even, is going to make you feel good about the way that you look.

I think that it is such an injustice for the media and our peers and pretty much everyone to put pressure on you to look a certain way to be considered beautiful. Everyone is perfect and beautiful in their own way and you should never feel like you’re not good enough. You are good enough. The next time that you look in the mirror, I want you to look at yourself and pretend you’re looking at your best friend’s body and think about what you’d tell her about her body. Try to start telling yourself that.

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I love you guys so much, thank you so much for reading. I hope that you’re having a fantastic day and remember to be kind to others and yourself!

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ArrivederLa xxx

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6 thoughts on “Can’t Buy Me Self-Love

  1. Very well said. I completely agree. I wish it wasn’t a struggle for everyone to believe it. I always look at my best friends and envy things that they hate about themselves. It’s funny that way isn’t it?

    Like

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