Are you tired of not being invited to parties because you’re “a rotted, blood-soaked legion of the undead”? Sick of going on date after date, only to have none of them ever return your phone calls?
Well! Ogle School and I are going to share with you how to get from monstrous to fabulous!
PROBLEM: Dark Under Eye Circles
- At the stroke of midnight, enter the abandoned, haunted mansion at the top of the hill (use GPS for directions).
- Place a spoon in the freezer/portal to demonic dimension.
- After two minutes of fighting off the ghost of a 17th-century sea captain, remove the spoon from the freezer and gently rub it under each eye.
- Get sucked into the demonic dimension with fabulous, flawless under-eyes.
PROBLEM: Sagging, Rotting Skin
- Prep zombie skin with Bodyography’s Tinted Moisturizer
- Apply an even layer of BB cream
- Apply liquid foundation, followed by powder foundation.
- Apply yellow-toned brightening powder to set makeup and smooth texture.
- Eat brains with tight, perfect skin. (Yum!)
PROBLEM: Bloodshot Eyes
There were no funny tricks for this one, that’s my real anxiety-ridden uni student bloodshot eyes from lack of sleep!
- Commission a witch during the lunar solstice to cast an anti-bloodshot spell on you.
- Sell your eternal soul to the devil in exchange for clear, bright eyes.
- Use eyedrops.
- Chant “Bloody Mary” three times in front of a mirror. When she appears, ask if she has any tips.
PROBLEM: Organs Spilling Out of Your Body
- Rub 1/4 cup of coconut oil into your scalp.
- Repeat as needed.
- Make your own cute DIY wig with the hair of your victims (see Pinterest for fashion-forward styling tips).
Styled to perfection ❤
PROBLEM: Blood-Stained Teeth
- Avoid the harsh chemicals in whitening strips by opting, instead, for a baking soda-based toothpaste.
- Switch out your regular floss for the teeth-whitening kind.
- Just roll with it. Chunky jewelry and blood-stained teeth are this season’s must-have accessories.
And now for the big reveal! After all of these helpful tips, I’ve gone from monstrous to fabulous!
You can read Ogle School’s post here! With these tips, you’ll never have to feel monstrous ever again, unless of course you would like to!
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Au revoir xxx